holiday parties

Are you looking forward to spending quality time away from school? Are you ready for some parties? Will your family parties be fun or dull? Are your friends having any parties you can look forward to? It's time to think about how to handle yourself at these parties. With a little preparation, you'll be able to survive nosey questions from Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dave's same old jokes. What will you do when you're not eating turkey or pie? Are you interesting? Do you have any funny stories to tell? Will you be forced to play with the little kids? What if you're the littlest kid in the house and they still treat you like you're 8?
Calm down. I don't want to put you into panic mode. Let's start with family parties. You probably know everyone at the party so you don't have to worry about impressing new people. What will you talk about? It's ok to plan ahead and think of a funny story to tell when someone asks you what's going on at school. Maybe you're trying out for a winter sport or the spring musical. You could talk about tryouts and what kind of stuff you had to do. think of details that make your stories interesting to adults. Tell about difficult drills or funny things the coach does if a kid does something wrong. Try asking questions, too. You don't always have to be the one answering stuff. Ask your Uncle if he played any school sports? Did they have cuts? Did they have to wear those crazy short-shorts with tall socks? Did they do any of the same drills that you're learning now?
If you're not into sports then maybe you have another fun activity you like to do. Can you bring along your bead box or favorite scrap book? Show your family something about yourself and dont' forget to ask about their interests, too. did they vote for the President? Did they feel happy or sad about the winners? Why, exactly do they have that opinion and do you agree?

One thing I don't want you to do at the parties is.... text. Be at the party. Be fun and talk to the people at the party. Do not sit in the corner and text. It's boring. It makes you look like you don't like anyone at the party. Ok, maybe you don't like anyone at the party. fake it. stay off your phone and get to know the people around you.
Have some more pie!

they hate it

You're just hangin out listening to some music. Music you like. You feel great.

Parent: turn that down. It's too loud.
You: I'm just listening to music.
Parent: I shouldn't be able to hear it through your headphones. Now turn it down.
You: OK. FINE. Now I can't even listen to good music!
Parent: That's not good music. It's just crap with kids screaming.
You: This is the best music ever. It's a lot better than your stupid music from ancient times!
Parent: What? My music is still great today. You have no idea what good music is.
You: Right, on the OLDIES stations. Do you even know any of the artists I like?
Parent: um, Carrie Underwood?
You: NO
Parent: ok, Aerosmith?
You: eeeewwwwwhhhh. No.
Parent: ok, then who do you think is so great?
You: (it doesn't matter what you say here unless your parent watches MTV with you, she will probably not know your music at all and thus, HATES it.)
Parent: well, what's the song about?
You: falling in love.
Parent: Why are you listening to that? You're too young to date and fall in love anyway.
You: You can't be serious!

This conversation has been taking place for a long, long time. Parents hate their kids' music. It's kind of a rule of nature. Parents hated Elvis when teenagers thought he was awesome. His dancing was way too sexual. Parents hated Chubby Checker because his music was too sexually suggestive. Parents despised the Beatles with their LONG HAIR and crazy romantic songs. They hated AC/DC, Kiss, Rolling Stones, Jackson 5, Rap. When RUN DMC started rapping parents thought it was ridiculous talking that was so stupid it would be gone in 5 minutes. They were so wrong. I could go on naming new kinds of music and parents who hated it. Yes, they hated it all.
It's just how things are in this world. Next time your parents start getting mad about your music, try turning the conversation around. Ask what your dad listened to when he was a teenager? Did his dad like it? What about your grandpa? Ask him what he listened to and if HIS dad liked it? Listen to what you like and if it's too loud, just turn it down for a while but keep listening. Remember this conversation when you're the parent! Rock on!

not at the table

The cell phone, while it is a very important part of our lives, does not belong at the table. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I know it's a wild idea! Let me explain. When people are using the phone during meals, it makes me feel like whatever I might want to talk about is not important. If you're having lunch with ME, please talk to ME. Your other friends who are on the phone can wait. ok, you just give them a BRB message then get back to them a little later. Please try to let your phone have a rest during meals. I'm serious and it's just bad manners if you don't. Talk to the people you're sitting with. Ask a question about something. have a conversation with your family. Smile. Laugh. Have a nice, relaxing meal and eat your broccoli, too!

no, not the phone

What's the first thing that gets taken away when you're grounded? If it's your cell phone, join the club. lots of parents cut off the phone as soon as your report card has one tiny D. How can you be expected to communicate with anyone without a cell phone? Who lives in this world without texting? What did kids do 5 years ago? Talk in person? Talk on the home phone where people could actually hear what's being said? that's just ridiculous! Why do parents go right for the phone? It's really not fair.
Here's how adults look at this problem...
1. They expect you to get good grades and it seems like you spend more time on your phone than studying or doing any kind of school work.
2. That phone cost a lot to buy and a lot more every month for service.
3. They look at it as a privilege for you to use a phone of your own. Keep in mind that when they were teenagers, there was probably one phone in the house and it was in the kitchen on a really long cord. that's right, not even wireless. So, any time the family wanted to use the phone, anyone in the house could listen to what was going on. they had no privacy.
4. Adults worry about teens having too much privacy because there could be stuff going on in your life that they know nothing about. They don't like that feeling. Adults who love you want to know who you're talking to and what you're talking about.
My advice is to take your punishment. You don't have to like it. Also, spend some time doing school work at home where your parents can see you working. Knowing that you're trying to do better will give them the idea that you care about your education. After you do some work, ask about their technology back in the day. They didn't even have VCRs when they were little. Crazy, I know.

rowdy boys

Ok girls, let's talk about boys! Did you notice that middle school boys are always shoving each other? into lockers, into walls, down steps, up steps, in the cafeteria? Why are they so rough? What's the point of trying to hurt other kids? Boys are trying to get your attention! They think girls will be impressed with big strong guys who are tougher than other guys. Sometimes they run wildly through crowds of people. They shove and trip other guys so you will notice them and their big muscles. LOL. Lots of middle school guys are still pretty small. They haven't hit that exciting time of puberty. Just wait. Soon those tiny little boys who want you to be impressed because they can shove people will be actual big, strong guys with actual muscles. You'll want to hug them. Until then, and I'm talking about 9th and 10th grade, just watch and laugh. That's all they need. Those poor little guys are not ready for serious releationships. Soon, girls. Give them a couple years. Have fun watching them grow.

screaming girls

hey boys, do you know why so many middle school girls are screaming? at the bus stops, in the halls, at their lockers, at stores, at parks? Do you know? It's to get your attention. They scream so boys will notice them. The more they scream stuff, and who knows what they're saying it doesn't really matter, the more they like you. So what should you do? Look around. Listen. See if you might like any of those screaming cuties. You might start by saying HI. She might want to study together. Or text you. She might want to be your myspace friend. Get to know some stuff about her. The nicer you are, the more she will stop screaming to get your attention. Have fun and be friendly.

stop making stuff up

Really. don't live in imaginaryville. That's when you do something that you probably shouldn't have done. You get caught. You claim you didn't do anything. Let's picture this scene, played hundreds of times in middle schools around the country...
teacher: ok class, take out your book and turn to page 95.
you: take brand new yellow pencil and karate chop it into bits.
teacher: what was that?
you: nothing.
teacher: I see broken pencil bits all over your desk and the floor.
you: I didnt do it. that was here before.
teacher: Are you kidding me? I just heard the pencil get karate chopped. It was your hand chopping. Look, there are bits on your leg.
you: no, they must have fallen off the desk because I didn't do anything.
teacher: Stop acting like you didn't break that brand new pencil because you did it!!
you: what pencil?
other kids: ha ha ha ha
teacher: GGGRRRR I'm getting really upset with your behavior. clean up that mess and turn to page 95 right now.
you: I don't want to get splinters.
This scene can go on and on for a long time.
I call it living in imaginaryville. You know that you chopped the pencil. Everyone in the room knows you chopped the pencil. It takes a lot of patience for a teacher to listen to your LIES without wanting to put you in a sleeper hold so you stop talking and interrupting the lesson on page 95. Part of growing up is telling the truth about stupid stuff you did. Accept the consequences. Clean up the pencil bits. Turn to the page in your book and stop torturing the teacher.

Monday morning issues

You know, teachers are only human. They can help you with a lot of stuff but they can't do everything. Picture this scene...
Let's say you went out on Halloween night. You and your friends were having fun. It was nice weather. Everyone was outside and happy and eating candy. Then some rowdy kids came around. They started throwing candy. at you. at your friends. somehow hard things, maybe rocks, got mixed in with the candy. It hit you and it hurt. You yell something at the mean kids then you and your friends go somewhere else. Mean kids left. You came back out to have fun.
ff to Monday morning. School. Those mean kids go to your school. One of them is in your science class. Mean kid is such a jerk and brings up hitting you and your friends with soft candy corn. Mean kid says you acted like a baby because candy can't hurt anyone. You are big and smart so you ignore the mean kid. but meany won't let it go. Meany keeps saying stuff about Friday night. Finally you want to punch that kid. You don't of course, but you DO start to YELL at meany to SHUT UP and GET AWAY FROM ME! Now, Mr. Science teacher hears this commotion while you're supposed to be learning about cell structure but there is clearly something else going on.

Let's consider that scene from the teacher's point of view: mean kid won't give up on saying stupid stuff. You're getting madder by the moment and louder, too. Teacher is just trying to help you learn but now he has to hear all about the candy corn and the rocks and the stupid stuff that mean kid said and did. Keep in mind this is all during science class. on Monday. He's not in the mood for drama. He wants you to learn the science lesson. You and meany have made a big scene and now he has to deal with a problem that has nothing to do with school or him or science.