tell on yourself

Possible crisis:

you're using a laptop at school. that's not the problem.

you're typing a project on the laptop. that's not the problem.

you lean over to help your neighbor with spelling. not the problem. (although sometimes you can get in trouble for that)

while you were leaning over a key popped off the laptop. could be a problem.

you toss the loose key on the floor. ooooh bad idea.

you try to conceal the key behind the table leg on the floor. ok.

you log off the laptop and put it away. um

you head out to your next class. the guilt isn't too bad.

attention... here comes the problem.

the next kid wants to use the laptop you had but it's missing a key. that kid tells the teacher. the teacher investigates and discovers YOU had the laptop last period.

teacher calls you from Spanish class to come to the library where the laptop sits without a key. you walk really slowly thinking about your lie.

The best course of action here is to tell on yourself. I'm not kidding. The teacher is only going to get angrier the more you lie. You're caught. Take your punishment quietly. Say you're sorry for breaking the key. Say you should have told on yourself right away. Say you're sorry for trying to hide the broken piece. Say that you just got really worried and kind of panicked. Look sorry. a tiny tear in the corner of your eye would be good.

If you decide not to tell on yourself but go with the lies then the problem will just grow and the punishment will grow, too. Your principal will be notified that you damaged expensive school property. Your parents will be notified that they have a large computer repair bill. You may lose computer privileges at school. This can get way bigger that you want it to.

People mess up. We learn to take the consequences and don't mess up that way again. usually.

holiday parties

Are you looking forward to spending quality time away from school? Are you ready for some parties? Will your family parties be fun or dull? Are your friends having any parties you can look forward to? It's time to think about how to handle yourself at these parties. With a little preparation, you'll be able to survive nosey questions from Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dave's same old jokes. What will you do when you're not eating turkey or pie? Are you interesting? Do you have any funny stories to tell? Will you be forced to play with the little kids? What if you're the littlest kid in the house and they still treat you like you're 8?
Calm down. I don't want to put you into panic mode. Let's start with family parties. You probably know everyone at the party so you don't have to worry about impressing new people. What will you talk about? It's ok to plan ahead and think of a funny story to tell when someone asks you what's going on at school. Maybe you're trying out for a winter sport or the spring musical. You could talk about tryouts and what kind of stuff you had to do. think of details that make your stories interesting to adults. Tell about difficult drills or funny things the coach does if a kid does something wrong. Try asking questions, too. You don't always have to be the one answering stuff. Ask your Uncle if he played any school sports? Did they have cuts? Did they have to wear those crazy short-shorts with tall socks? Did they do any of the same drills that you're learning now?
If you're not into sports then maybe you have another fun activity you like to do. Can you bring along your bead box or favorite scrap book? Show your family something about yourself and dont' forget to ask about their interests, too. did they vote for the President? Did they feel happy or sad about the winners? Why, exactly do they have that opinion and do you agree?

One thing I don't want you to do at the parties is.... text. Be at the party. Be fun and talk to the people at the party. Do not sit in the corner and text. It's boring. It makes you look like you don't like anyone at the party. Ok, maybe you don't like anyone at the party. fake it. stay off your phone and get to know the people around you.
Have some more pie!

they hate it

You're just hangin out listening to some music. Music you like. You feel great.

Parent: turn that down. It's too loud.
You: I'm just listening to music.
Parent: I shouldn't be able to hear it through your headphones. Now turn it down.
You: OK. FINE. Now I can't even listen to good music!
Parent: That's not good music. It's just crap with kids screaming.
You: This is the best music ever. It's a lot better than your stupid music from ancient times!
Parent: What? My music is still great today. You have no idea what good music is.
You: Right, on the OLDIES stations. Do you even know any of the artists I like?
Parent: um, Carrie Underwood?
You: NO
Parent: ok, Aerosmith?
You: eeeewwwwwhhhh. No.
Parent: ok, then who do you think is so great?
You: (it doesn't matter what you say here unless your parent watches MTV with you, she will probably not know your music at all and thus, HATES it.)
Parent: well, what's the song about?
You: falling in love.
Parent: Why are you listening to that? You're too young to date and fall in love anyway.
You: You can't be serious!

This conversation has been taking place for a long, long time. Parents hate their kids' music. It's kind of a rule of nature. Parents hated Elvis when teenagers thought he was awesome. His dancing was way too sexual. Parents hated Chubby Checker because his music was too sexually suggestive. Parents despised the Beatles with their LONG HAIR and crazy romantic songs. They hated AC/DC, Kiss, Rolling Stones, Jackson 5, Rap. When RUN DMC started rapping parents thought it was ridiculous talking that was so stupid it would be gone in 5 minutes. They were so wrong. I could go on naming new kinds of music and parents who hated it. Yes, they hated it all.
It's just how things are in this world. Next time your parents start getting mad about your music, try turning the conversation around. Ask what your dad listened to when he was a teenager? Did his dad like it? What about your grandpa? Ask him what he listened to and if HIS dad liked it? Listen to what you like and if it's too loud, just turn it down for a while but keep listening. Remember this conversation when you're the parent! Rock on!

not at the table

The cell phone, while it is a very important part of our lives, does not belong at the table. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I know it's a wild idea! Let me explain. When people are using the phone during meals, it makes me feel like whatever I might want to talk about is not important. If you're having lunch with ME, please talk to ME. Your other friends who are on the phone can wait. ok, you just give them a BRB message then get back to them a little later. Please try to let your phone have a rest during meals. I'm serious and it's just bad manners if you don't. Talk to the people you're sitting with. Ask a question about something. have a conversation with your family. Smile. Laugh. Have a nice, relaxing meal and eat your broccoli, too!

no, not the phone

What's the first thing that gets taken away when you're grounded? If it's your cell phone, join the club. lots of parents cut off the phone as soon as your report card has one tiny D. How can you be expected to communicate with anyone without a cell phone? Who lives in this world without texting? What did kids do 5 years ago? Talk in person? Talk on the home phone where people could actually hear what's being said? that's just ridiculous! Why do parents go right for the phone? It's really not fair.
Here's how adults look at this problem...
1. They expect you to get good grades and it seems like you spend more time on your phone than studying or doing any kind of school work.
2. That phone cost a lot to buy and a lot more every month for service.
3. They look at it as a privilege for you to use a phone of your own. Keep in mind that when they were teenagers, there was probably one phone in the house and it was in the kitchen on a really long cord. that's right, not even wireless. So, any time the family wanted to use the phone, anyone in the house could listen to what was going on. they had no privacy.
4. Adults worry about teens having too much privacy because there could be stuff going on in your life that they know nothing about. They don't like that feeling. Adults who love you want to know who you're talking to and what you're talking about.
My advice is to take your punishment. You don't have to like it. Also, spend some time doing school work at home where your parents can see you working. Knowing that you're trying to do better will give them the idea that you care about your education. After you do some work, ask about their technology back in the day. They didn't even have VCRs when they were little. Crazy, I know.

rowdy boys

Ok girls, let's talk about boys! Did you notice that middle school boys are always shoving each other? into lockers, into walls, down steps, up steps, in the cafeteria? Why are they so rough? What's the point of trying to hurt other kids? Boys are trying to get your attention! They think girls will be impressed with big strong guys who are tougher than other guys. Sometimes they run wildly through crowds of people. They shove and trip other guys so you will notice them and their big muscles. LOL. Lots of middle school guys are still pretty small. They haven't hit that exciting time of puberty. Just wait. Soon those tiny little boys who want you to be impressed because they can shove people will be actual big, strong guys with actual muscles. You'll want to hug them. Until then, and I'm talking about 9th and 10th grade, just watch and laugh. That's all they need. Those poor little guys are not ready for serious releationships. Soon, girls. Give them a couple years. Have fun watching them grow.

screaming girls

hey boys, do you know why so many middle school girls are screaming? at the bus stops, in the halls, at their lockers, at stores, at parks? Do you know? It's to get your attention. They scream so boys will notice them. The more they scream stuff, and who knows what they're saying it doesn't really matter, the more they like you. So what should you do? Look around. Listen. See if you might like any of those screaming cuties. You might start by saying HI. She might want to study together. Or text you. She might want to be your myspace friend. Get to know some stuff about her. The nicer you are, the more she will stop screaming to get your attention. Have fun and be friendly.

stop making stuff up

Really. don't live in imaginaryville. That's when you do something that you probably shouldn't have done. You get caught. You claim you didn't do anything. Let's picture this scene, played hundreds of times in middle schools around the country...
teacher: ok class, take out your book and turn to page 95.
you: take brand new yellow pencil and karate chop it into bits.
teacher: what was that?
you: nothing.
teacher: I see broken pencil bits all over your desk and the floor.
you: I didnt do it. that was here before.
teacher: Are you kidding me? I just heard the pencil get karate chopped. It was your hand chopping. Look, there are bits on your leg.
you: no, they must have fallen off the desk because I didn't do anything.
teacher: Stop acting like you didn't break that brand new pencil because you did it!!
you: what pencil?
other kids: ha ha ha ha
teacher: GGGRRRR I'm getting really upset with your behavior. clean up that mess and turn to page 95 right now.
you: I don't want to get splinters.
This scene can go on and on for a long time.
I call it living in imaginaryville. You know that you chopped the pencil. Everyone in the room knows you chopped the pencil. It takes a lot of patience for a teacher to listen to your LIES without wanting to put you in a sleeper hold so you stop talking and interrupting the lesson on page 95. Part of growing up is telling the truth about stupid stuff you did. Accept the consequences. Clean up the pencil bits. Turn to the page in your book and stop torturing the teacher.

want some gum?

gum. scene 1:
boy chewing gum in school. (You should know that this school does not allow gum.)
girl asks boy for a piece of gum.
boy says sure. gets out a square of gum.
girl holds out her hand.
boy presses gum against girl's chest. lets go. attempts to watch gum slide down her shirt.
girl catches gum before it goes down too far.
girl's face is red.

gum. scene 2.
teacher witnessed scene 1.
teacher tells boy that putting gum against girl's chest is not appropriate school behavior.
boy says, "what? I was just giving her a piece of gum."
teacher says, "ok, can I have a piece? You'll put it in my hand, right? Not against my chest?"
boy says, "yeah." looks down. feels sorry that he was caught acting rude.
girl dashes off to class, glad that the boy knows what he did was wrong.

gum. scene 3.
boy begs teacher not to call his home to discuss his behavior.
boy says he's doing really well this year and he promises to treat girls nicely.

wrap up:
boys, girls do not want you to touch their chest during school. ever. don't snap their bras. don't touch their butts either.
girls, you don't have to accept that kind of treatment. let boys know that you won't put up with them trying to look down your shirt or touch you in ways they shouldn't.

check your behavior

Um, about your behavior in school... how's it going?
1. Are you bringing all materials to class? You always have to bring something to write with, notebooks, and textbooks. Teachers get really irritated with students who come to class without the basic stuff. Keep some extra pencils in your locker. Have at least one with you at all times. It shows that you are ready to get work done, even if you really dont feel like it. fake it. Let's say you got to class without your book and your teacher starts getting mad at you and you hold up your pencil and say, "I'm partly prepared." then show your best puppy dog smile. I think you'll just get a warning and you might even be allowed to go to your locker and get the book you need.
2. Are you concentrating on the lesson? Hey, see that teacher standing in front of your class talking? Look. The teacher is talking to you. Yes. YOU. Of course, she is talking to some other kids at the same time, but you are being given information that you need to learn. Pay attention. Oh, I know it's hard. There are cute kids in your class who you need to watch. There are silly kids who might do something really funny and you could miss it if you concentrate on the teacher. There are juicy notes to write. Concentrate now. Play later. Concentrate now. Daydream later.
3. Are you talking out of turn? Put 28 people in one room. They all have stuff to say. About different things. At the same time. The word for that scene is chaos. Complete confusion. You know classrooms can't operate like that. That's why there's one person in charge. The teacher. He will allow others to speak but they must do it in an organized manner. Are you being cooperative with the system of taking turns when talking in class? If not, it's time to start. It's part of growing up.
4. One more thing to check today. Are you acting goofy behind the teacher's back? You know exactly what I mean. He turns to write on the board. You make monkey faces. He turns to get something out of the bookcase. You act like an octopus. He helps another kid and isn't looking at you. You put a Kick Me sign on someone's back. While this behavior is funny, it's not allowed in middle school. Maybe it was ok in 3rd or 4th grade but now we all need to get work done and we don't really have time for your silly stuff. It's immature. It's time to stop doing that.

group poop

Middle schools are packed with group projects. Groups are everywhere. Whether you love groups or hate groups, you cannot go to school in this century and avoid group projects.
Good stuff about groups: working together, talking about stuff, sharing ideas, less work for you to do.
Poopy stuff about groups: working together, talking about stuff, sharing ideas, less work for you to do.
Did you get that? The same exact things that lots of kids really like about groups can also be the things kids hate about groups.
Working together: Some kids are shy and working together can be hard for them. We all know kids who are super bossy and think they should control everyone in the group. That's so annoying.
Talking about stuff: sometimes groups get off task and talk about embarrassing stuff or ask really personal questions or go on and on talking about football.
Sharing ideas: We have problems here with kids who only give ideas but refuse to listen to ideas and kids who don't want to give ideas in case someone says they're stupid. Sometimes there can be so many ideas that groups have trouble deciding on the best ones to use.
Less work to do: Are you wondering how anyone could think this is a poopy part of groups? Hey, not everyone likes to share their work. What if I want the details to be just right but you have sloppy handwriting? What if we decided to use purple paper but then you only had pink. Those are the kind of details that a group member might like to control.
getting along with group members isn't always easy. If your group is having arguments, try to think about the feelings of the other kids. Can you be the group member who understands that kids can be uncomfortable and feel weird in groups? Can you remind yourself to stay on task and avoid embarrassing topics? Can you remind everyone that doing your best is important for each person it the group? Oh, also, try to avoid running to the teacher in the first second of a problem. You're getting old enough to talk calmly with the group. Try to help the kids in your group to see that each person has different skills. That's something you learn from working in groups, which brings us to why middle schools are packed with group projects. Because we all need to learn to work together. Peacefully. Calmly. Kindly. Productively. Have a happy group!