holiday parties

Are you looking forward to spending quality time away from school? Are you ready for some parties? Will your family parties be fun or dull? Are your friends having any parties you can look forward to? It's time to think about how to handle yourself at these parties. With a little preparation, you'll be able to survive nosey questions from Aunt Lisa and Uncle Dave's same old jokes. What will you do when you're not eating turkey or pie? Are you interesting? Do you have any funny stories to tell? Will you be forced to play with the little kids? What if you're the littlest kid in the house and they still treat you like you're 8?
Calm down. I don't want to put you into panic mode. Let's start with family parties. You probably know everyone at the party so you don't have to worry about impressing new people. What will you talk about? It's ok to plan ahead and think of a funny story to tell when someone asks you what's going on at school. Maybe you're trying out for a winter sport or the spring musical. You could talk about tryouts and what kind of stuff you had to do. think of details that make your stories interesting to adults. Tell about difficult drills or funny things the coach does if a kid does something wrong. Try asking questions, too. You don't always have to be the one answering stuff. Ask your Uncle if he played any school sports? Did they have cuts? Did they have to wear those crazy short-shorts with tall socks? Did they do any of the same drills that you're learning now?
If you're not into sports then maybe you have another fun activity you like to do. Can you bring along your bead box or favorite scrap book? Show your family something about yourself and dont' forget to ask about their interests, too. did they vote for the President? Did they feel happy or sad about the winners? Why, exactly do they have that opinion and do you agree?

One thing I don't want you to do at the parties is.... text. Be at the party. Be fun and talk to the people at the party. Do not sit in the corner and text. It's boring. It makes you look like you don't like anyone at the party. Ok, maybe you don't like anyone at the party. fake it. stay off your phone and get to know the people around you.
Have some more pie!

they hate it

You're just hangin out listening to some music. Music you like. You feel great.

Parent: turn that down. It's too loud.
You: I'm just listening to music.
Parent: I shouldn't be able to hear it through your headphones. Now turn it down.
You: OK. FINE. Now I can't even listen to good music!
Parent: That's not good music. It's just crap with kids screaming.
You: This is the best music ever. It's a lot better than your stupid music from ancient times!
Parent: What? My music is still great today. You have no idea what good music is.
You: Right, on the OLDIES stations. Do you even know any of the artists I like?
Parent: um, Carrie Underwood?
You: NO
Parent: ok, Aerosmith?
You: eeeewwwwwhhhh. No.
Parent: ok, then who do you think is so great?
You: (it doesn't matter what you say here unless your parent watches MTV with you, she will probably not know your music at all and thus, HATES it.)
Parent: well, what's the song about?
You: falling in love.
Parent: Why are you listening to that? You're too young to date and fall in love anyway.
You: You can't be serious!

This conversation has been taking place for a long, long time. Parents hate their kids' music. It's kind of a rule of nature. Parents hated Elvis when teenagers thought he was awesome. His dancing was way too sexual. Parents hated Chubby Checker because his music was too sexually suggestive. Parents despised the Beatles with their LONG HAIR and crazy romantic songs. They hated AC/DC, Kiss, Rolling Stones, Jackson 5, Rap. When RUN DMC started rapping parents thought it was ridiculous talking that was so stupid it would be gone in 5 minutes. They were so wrong. I could go on naming new kinds of music and parents who hated it. Yes, they hated it all.
It's just how things are in this world. Next time your parents start getting mad about your music, try turning the conversation around. Ask what your dad listened to when he was a teenager? Did his dad like it? What about your grandpa? Ask him what he listened to and if HIS dad liked it? Listen to what you like and if it's too loud, just turn it down for a while but keep listening. Remember this conversation when you're the parent! Rock on!

not at the table

The cell phone, while it is a very important part of our lives, does not belong at the table. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I know it's a wild idea! Let me explain. When people are using the phone during meals, it makes me feel like whatever I might want to talk about is not important. If you're having lunch with ME, please talk to ME. Your other friends who are on the phone can wait. ok, you just give them a BRB message then get back to them a little later. Please try to let your phone have a rest during meals. I'm serious and it's just bad manners if you don't. Talk to the people you're sitting with. Ask a question about something. have a conversation with your family. Smile. Laugh. Have a nice, relaxing meal and eat your broccoli, too!

no, not the phone

What's the first thing that gets taken away when you're grounded? If it's your cell phone, join the club. lots of parents cut off the phone as soon as your report card has one tiny D. How can you be expected to communicate with anyone without a cell phone? Who lives in this world without texting? What did kids do 5 years ago? Talk in person? Talk on the home phone where people could actually hear what's being said? that's just ridiculous! Why do parents go right for the phone? It's really not fair.
Here's how adults look at this problem...
1. They expect you to get good grades and it seems like you spend more time on your phone than studying or doing any kind of school work.
2. That phone cost a lot to buy and a lot more every month for service.
3. They look at it as a privilege for you to use a phone of your own. Keep in mind that when they were teenagers, there was probably one phone in the house and it was in the kitchen on a really long cord. that's right, not even wireless. So, any time the family wanted to use the phone, anyone in the house could listen to what was going on. they had no privacy.
4. Adults worry about teens having too much privacy because there could be stuff going on in your life that they know nothing about. They don't like that feeling. Adults who love you want to know who you're talking to and what you're talking about.
My advice is to take your punishment. You don't have to like it. Also, spend some time doing school work at home where your parents can see you working. Knowing that you're trying to do better will give them the idea that you care about your education. After you do some work, ask about their technology back in the day. They didn't even have VCRs when they were little. Crazy, I know.

party problem

You're having a party. YAY!
You're allowed to invite friends. YAY!
There's a limit on the friends. OK.
Mom says only 5 friends. OK.
Your list of best friends is 8. PROBLEM!
Now what will you do? You want a fun party with friends but you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if they're not invited.
First check with your parents to see if you could add a couple more people. If they say yes then everything's ok. No? Ok, on to plan B. Ask if you could have a shorter party but invite 8 friends. plan C. Ask if you could have the party outside at a park or playground and invite 8 friends. plan D. maybe you want to go lower, have a smaller party and just have 2 friends. sometimes managing a lot of friends at one party can be stressful, if you know what I mean. Your party should be easy and fun and happy. You want kids who are nice to eachother. Kids who are nice to you. Kids who like going to parties to have fun and celebrate. Look forward to the party and have lots of fun that day. Kids will understand that you can't invite everyone you know to every party.

oh no, parent - teacher night

Is your dad so embarrassing that if he goes to parent teacher night something terrible will happen? What if he tells one of his stupid fart jokes to your teacher? What if he actually farts in school? What if the teacher hears it? or smells it? I don't think you can ever go back to school again. just kidding.
Dads and teachers get along just fine. Of course, your dad might say something funny. Parents and teachers communicate differently than kids and teachers. Your teacher will think your dad is a happy, funny guy if he tells a dumb joke. Adults like that kind of stuff. The teacher will like your dad, too. When your teacher says, "hey I met your dad last night" and starts to smile, you'll know everything's cool. Ask if he did anything embarrassing. Say that you've heard all his crazy jokes a million times. Be proud that your dad took the time to go to school and meet your teachers. He wants to be sure that they are awesome people who are taking good care of you all day. which they are, of course. It's ok if he stands out in the teacher's mind as a funny person. Now if he was telling secrets about your stuffed animal collection.... or your special blanket that you've loved since you were born.... that's quite different. He would never do that. I hope. Don't get stressed about parent - teacher night. Let them meet each other. They all want you to do your best and be a smart, happy kid. Enjoy the attention. Have a great day at school tomorrow.

hi honey, how was your day?

Here's the scene. You get home from school. You're in a pretty good mood.

parent: "hi honey, how was your day?"

you: "fine."

parent: "did you do anything fun today?"

you: "no."

parent: "do you have any homework?"

you: "I don't know."

parent: "what?"

you: "I don't know. Why do you keep asking me these stupid questions!"

parent: "Don't talk back to me. Go do your homework!"

you: "Fine! I don't know why you're always yelling at me!"

parent: "Watch your tone or you'll be grounded!"

you: "So what. You never let me do anything anyway!"

the end. You're both in a bad mood now.

It is possible to answer the old how was your day question without getting mad. Here's how you might play the scene with parent questions decoded.

parent: "hi honey, how was your day?" actually means what were you doing all day? were teachers nice to you? did anything embarrassing happen? do you have a crush on someone?

you: "It was ok. We did an experiment in science today." this answer is giving some information, which is what parents want. They miss you and worry about you. You're growing up and parents want to be sure everything is ok.

parent: "oh, cool. Is your science teacher nice?" actually means I hope the teachers (who I don't really know) are treating my sweetheart very nicely!
you: "yeah, she's nice. She wears this white lab coat when she does experiments." this answer is giving parents a little detail so they can picture what's going on at school.

parent: "do you have any homework?" actually means do you have any homework and how long will it take and do you need any special stuff to do the assignment?

you: "I have to write about the lab for homework." this answer is giving a detail about the work.

parent: "ok, let me know if you need help." actually means I'll help and I'll get to see what that lab was about.

you: "I will." think I just had an adult kind of conversation and that's cool.

the end. No anger.