join in

About half of the school year has gone by. Have you joined any clubs or sports or activities? It's a good time to try something new. You know, new year, new club, new sport... Did you make a resolution to make more friends? Check if your school's having a play and try out for a part or help with the stage crew plus they'll need scene builders and artists. Are there winter or spring intramurals you could try? What about chorus? Are you killer at rock band? Maybe you can learn to play an actual instrument with actual music. That would be cool. Look around and see if there's anything to try. Maybe you could start an anime club or a fashion club. New year, new club, new friends.

purple pants?

Can you picture a really tall 8th grade boy who came to school wearing bright purple skinny jeans? He's also wearing a black and white belt, bright yellow t-shirt with green swirls and his shoes match the shirt... Is this a fashion forward guy setting trends or an unfortunate fashion failure who should return that outfit to the store?
Picture a girl who is wearing a brand new sweater dress that's cute but too small for her body so she looks kind of lumpy even though she's not?
This time of year is like a fashion show at school. We get to see all kinds new and unique outfits - some cool, some scary, some hilarious. Lots of kids (and teachers) get clothes for Christmas and other holidays then can't wait to wear the new stuff to school. Look around this week. See if you agree with the fashion risks some kids are willing to take. Maybe you're trying out some new fashion looks, too. Have fun with your clothes and be nice to that kid in the purple pants by not singing Barney the dinosaur songs. Who knows, the purple thing might catch on and we'll all be wearing them next year!

not at the table

The cell phone, while it is a very important part of our lives, does not belong at the table. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner. I know it's a wild idea! Let me explain. When people are using the phone during meals, it makes me feel like whatever I might want to talk about is not important. If you're having lunch with ME, please talk to ME. Your other friends who are on the phone can wait. ok, you just give them a BRB message then get back to them a little later. Please try to let your phone have a rest during meals. I'm serious and it's just bad manners if you don't. Talk to the people you're sitting with. Ask a question about something. have a conversation with your family. Smile. Laugh. Have a nice, relaxing meal and eat your broccoli, too!

rowdy boys

Ok girls, let's talk about boys! Did you notice that middle school boys are always shoving each other? into lockers, into walls, down steps, up steps, in the cafeteria? Why are they so rough? What's the point of trying to hurt other kids? Boys are trying to get your attention! They think girls will be impressed with big strong guys who are tougher than other guys. Sometimes they run wildly through crowds of people. They shove and trip other guys so you will notice them and their big muscles. LOL. Lots of middle school guys are still pretty small. They haven't hit that exciting time of puberty. Just wait. Soon those tiny little boys who want you to be impressed because they can shove people will be actual big, strong guys with actual muscles. You'll want to hug them. Until then, and I'm talking about 9th and 10th grade, just watch and laugh. That's all they need. Those poor little guys are not ready for serious releationships. Soon, girls. Give them a couple years. Have fun watching them grow.

screaming girls

hey boys, do you know why so many middle school girls are screaming? at the bus stops, in the halls, at their lockers, at stores, at parks? Do you know? It's to get your attention. They scream so boys will notice them. The more they scream stuff, and who knows what they're saying it doesn't really matter, the more they like you. So what should you do? Look around. Listen. See if you might like any of those screaming cuties. You might start by saying HI. She might want to study together. Or text you. She might want to be your myspace friend. Get to know some stuff about her. The nicer you are, the more she will stop screaming to get your attention. Have fun and be friendly.

Monday morning issues

You know, teachers are only human. They can help you with a lot of stuff but they can't do everything. Picture this scene...
Let's say you went out on Halloween night. You and your friends were having fun. It was nice weather. Everyone was outside and happy and eating candy. Then some rowdy kids came around. They started throwing candy. at you. at your friends. somehow hard things, maybe rocks, got mixed in with the candy. It hit you and it hurt. You yell something at the mean kids then you and your friends go somewhere else. Mean kids left. You came back out to have fun.
ff to Monday morning. School. Those mean kids go to your school. One of them is in your science class. Mean kid is such a jerk and brings up hitting you and your friends with soft candy corn. Mean kid says you acted like a baby because candy can't hurt anyone. You are big and smart so you ignore the mean kid. but meany won't let it go. Meany keeps saying stuff about Friday night. Finally you want to punch that kid. You don't of course, but you DO start to YELL at meany to SHUT UP and GET AWAY FROM ME! Now, Mr. Science teacher hears this commotion while you're supposed to be learning about cell structure but there is clearly something else going on.

Let's consider that scene from the teacher's point of view: mean kid won't give up on saying stupid stuff. You're getting madder by the moment and louder, too. Teacher is just trying to help you learn but now he has to hear all about the candy corn and the rocks and the stupid stuff that mean kid said and did. Keep in mind this is all during science class. on Monday. He's not in the mood for drama. He wants you to learn the science lesson. You and meany have made a big scene and now he has to deal with a problem that has nothing to do with school or him or science.

want some gum?

gum. scene 1:
boy chewing gum in school. (You should know that this school does not allow gum.)
girl asks boy for a piece of gum.
boy says sure. gets out a square of gum.
girl holds out her hand.
boy presses gum against girl's chest. lets go. attempts to watch gum slide down her shirt.
girl catches gum before it goes down too far.
girl's face is red.

gum. scene 2.
teacher witnessed scene 1.
teacher tells boy that putting gum against girl's chest is not appropriate school behavior.
boy says, "what? I was just giving her a piece of gum."
teacher says, "ok, can I have a piece? You'll put it in my hand, right? Not against my chest?"
boy says, "yeah." looks down. feels sorry that he was caught acting rude.
girl dashes off to class, glad that the boy knows what he did was wrong.

gum. scene 3.
boy begs teacher not to call his home to discuss his behavior.
boy says he's doing really well this year and he promises to treat girls nicely.

wrap up:
boys, girls do not want you to touch their chest during school. ever. don't snap their bras. don't touch their butts either.
girls, you don't have to accept that kind of treatment. let boys know that you won't put up with them trying to look down your shirt or touch you in ways they shouldn't.

clips and polish

Check the guys from tokio hotel. see nail polish? unusual hair?
Middle school students like to experiment. On themselves.
Office supplies as jewelry. Nail polish on boys. New hair colors. Black lip gloss. New kinds of outfits.
I say go for it. There are not a lot of adults who can go to work wearing paper clip earrings. Not many business men can wear purple nail polish to their meetings. American workers are not encouraged to have orange blue and green stripes in their hair. Generally shades of red and pink lip gloss are accepted, but only on the ladies.
Middle school is about the only time in our lives when we can test these things. It's all part of deciding who you are and who you want to become. Kids will let you know if your experiment is a success or a failure. Your teachers may have some input there, too. Yeah and parents might not like all the experiments either. trying on different clothes and accessories helps you decide what you actually like. It might be different from what everyone else likes right now. Each school has limits about exposed skin and "disruptive clothing that interferes with the learning process" but it's perfectly natural to want to try out other looks for yourself. If you can't dress the way you want to at school, then wait for nights and weekends. I don't want you to get suspended for disobeying the rules. Also, next time you see a kid wearing something unusual and interesting, let it go. He's just expressing his inner scientist or rock star or dancer.

pop quiz today

It's October. There's a pop quiz today. It's about school and you can grade yourself. I hope you're feeling comfortable in your classes and around the school.
How can you tell? Try this false / true quiz!
1. I know my schedule without checking it very much. F or T
2. Teachers smile at me and know my name. F or T
3. My lunch table is fun. I usually like going to lunch. F or T
4. I have not missed any homework assignments. Well, maybe one. F or T
5. I could show a new student how to get to the nurse or library. F or T
6. My locker is pretty clean and I can find stuff in there. F or T
7. School starts early but I'm getting there on time every day. F or T
8. There are nice kids in the hallways. F or T

Add up your results. False____ True ____

0-2 false. You're off to a very good start. You have adjusted well to life in middle school. Keep making new friends. Invite a quiet kid to join your lunch table.
3-5 false. You're doing pretty well but there is some room for improvement. Are you looking at the floor or daydreaming? Sit up straight in class. Pick one thing that was false and see if you can change it to true this month. Is there a club or activity you could join to make some new friends?
6-8 false. Life in middle school can be stressful. Lots of things can distract us from having a good day at school. If you're having trouble finding anything good about your school then you should probably talk to someone about it. Parents, teachers, guidance counselor, gym teachers.. just pick someone nice and start talking about why school days are dragging you down.

We all have good days and boring days and fun days and terrible days. The secret is to learn from the bad and enjoy the good. Have a happy day tomorrow.

party problem

You're having a party. YAY!
You're allowed to invite friends. YAY!
There's a limit on the friends. OK.
Mom says only 5 friends. OK.
Your list of best friends is 8. PROBLEM!
Now what will you do? You want a fun party with friends but you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if they're not invited.
First check with your parents to see if you could add a couple more people. If they say yes then everything's ok. No? Ok, on to plan B. Ask if you could have a shorter party but invite 8 friends. plan C. Ask if you could have the party outside at a park or playground and invite 8 friends. plan D. maybe you want to go lower, have a smaller party and just have 2 friends. sometimes managing a lot of friends at one party can be stressful, if you know what I mean. Your party should be easy and fun and happy. You want kids who are nice to eachother. Kids who are nice to you. Kids who like going to parties to have fun and celebrate. Look forward to the party and have lots of fun that day. Kids will understand that you can't invite everyone you know to every party.

what's so funny?

Aunt Jen, kids in my class were laughing at a joke but I didn't get it.
I say you should just laugh along with them. Fake it. Smile.
It doesn't feel good when other people are laughing and you're not! Hey, it's not personal. They're kids laughing about something funny, not about you. That's good. You want to hang out with happy kids. Funny kids are.... um, funny. Maybe you missed something silly on a tv show. They could be laughing about a funny new video on youtube. Remember the big mac rap that everyone was talking about a while ago? If you never saw the video and you heard kids say CRISPY, you might have thought they were talking about lunch or a teacher's weird hair! If you saw the rap then you know it was a joke at the end about chicken. Watch it here. Keep in mind that the joke wasn't about you. You just laugh along and ask your best friend to explain the joke later. You could just blurt out "What's so funny?" They'll tell you. If they don't, it's really OK. Nobody gets every joke on earth.

group poop

Middle schools are packed with group projects. Groups are everywhere. Whether you love groups or hate groups, you cannot go to school in this century and avoid group projects.
Good stuff about groups: working together, talking about stuff, sharing ideas, less work for you to do.
Poopy stuff about groups: working together, talking about stuff, sharing ideas, less work for you to do.
Did you get that? The same exact things that lots of kids really like about groups can also be the things kids hate about groups.
Working together: Some kids are shy and working together can be hard for them. We all know kids who are super bossy and think they should control everyone in the group. That's so annoying.
Talking about stuff: sometimes groups get off task and talk about embarrassing stuff or ask really personal questions or go on and on talking about football.
Sharing ideas: We have problems here with kids who only give ideas but refuse to listen to ideas and kids who don't want to give ideas in case someone says they're stupid. Sometimes there can be so many ideas that groups have trouble deciding on the best ones to use.
Less work to do: Are you wondering how anyone could think this is a poopy part of groups? Hey, not everyone likes to share their work. What if I want the details to be just right but you have sloppy handwriting? What if we decided to use purple paper but then you only had pink. Those are the kind of details that a group member might like to control.
getting along with group members isn't always easy. If your group is having arguments, try to think about the feelings of the other kids. Can you be the group member who understands that kids can be uncomfortable and feel weird in groups? Can you remind yourself to stay on task and avoid embarrassing topics? Can you remind everyone that doing your best is important for each person it the group? Oh, also, try to avoid running to the teacher in the first second of a problem. You're getting old enough to talk calmly with the group. Try to help the kids in your group to see that each person has different skills. That's something you learn from working in groups, which brings us to why middle schools are packed with group projects. Because we all need to learn to work together. Peacefully. Calmly. Kindly. Productively. Have a happy group!